What happened to Canada?
Time was, when your presidential candidate lost, the big thing to do was declare that you were moving to “The Great White North.” But this year the Republicans lost and they figured out that Canada actually does have socialized medicine. D’oh.
And then there was the girl who Tweeted “I’m moving to Australia, because their president is a Christian and actually supports what he says.” Which is great, except that Australia doesn’t have a president, just a prime minister. And she is an atheist. D’oh part deux.
So since the anti-science party is apparently also the anti-geopolitical literate party, they’ve just decided to secede from the union. The White House has received online petitions from 20 states seeking to secede. Of course we are one of them.
Seems these petitions need 25,000 signatures for the White House to issue a response, but it might be a good idea for President Obama to respond with a nice little “Don’t let the door hit you…”
You see, most of the states seeking to secede are cutting off their noses to spite their faces. South Carolina, for instance, gets $1.35 for every $1 it sends to Washington. So just to keep us operating at current levels, we’d just have to pay our federal taxes to Columbia – plus 35 percent more.
A lot of these states petitioning to leave the country are in the same boat. For every dollar they send to the federal government, Tennessee gets back $1.27; Louisiana, $1.78, Kentucky, $1.51, Oklahoma, $1.36; and Mississippi, a whopping $2.02. Texas is the main red state with a real complaint: they get 94 cents on the dollar. Everything is big in Texas, apparently, even inflation.
It is actually the blue states – you know those Commie states – that are subsidizing red states. California is getting back 78 cents on the dollar; New York is getting 79 cents and New Jersey gets a piddling 61 cents. Before Sandy, that is.
So perhaps these people griping about how Obama is destroying the country ought to think twice before they destroy the country. Not only will it cost them money, but folks in South Carolina in particular ought to remember that secession doesn’t always work out so great.
Today’s tune, in honor of our seceders: